Quiet Moments

July 19, 2004 - Cole was born

Here I am .... alone, in my wonderful house - no music playing - just plain stillness (well, you can hear the refrigerator) - but otherwise, very peaceful. It's chilly, cloudy, and rainy outside. My little man is with his BFF Sofia. I'm eating dinner. Actually, I'm still eating dinner. It's been approx. 35 minutes and it feels nice to eat at a snail pace instead of in my normal 2.2 seconds. Everything is slower-and quieter-when Cole is away. Sometimes though, I will pace inside this house - up and down the hall and into the kitchen - repeatedly - because it takes me about an hour to figure out what to do with my time when Cole is finally occupied elsewhere.


I remember when Chris and I got married - my gosh - we were so happy and in love. We wanted that love duplicated and reproduced and it didn't take long. I miscarried the first time, but then, it didn't take long for our second opporunity to come along. BUT something happened....I wasn't happy being pregnant. I remember my mom and I getting in a BIG fight because I wasn't one of those women that glowed or embraced being pregnant. I down right hated it. I don't know why I didn't like it - maybe it was seeing my body change so much or maybe it was fear of the unknown, or maybe it was because I was selfish and didn't like sharing - who knows. We outlasted it though and while I didn't LOVE being pregnant, I absolutely LOVED my little baby boy. Of course, I didn't know a thing about babies and it was REALLY hard for those first three months...oh, who am I kidding, it was really hard those first couple of years. But there was always one constant - our love for Cole.


It's no wonder why we love him so much - because he is EXACTLY like Chris and EXACTLY like me. He is stubborn, independent, sweet, caring, orny, he loves to negoitate, he ALWAYS has to be right, he won't do something if he doesn't want to (this is soooo Chris). No wonder we fell in love with him.


I guess this is a rambling post. I'm not sure what my point was when I started. But, in the end, as much as I love Cole....I love the quiet moments too.