Pen Pal...Introspection...and a P.S.

Ok folks - you remember my new "old timer" friend, Toby Buchanan from Easton, WA....well, I did write to him. Just the thought of him driving his old pickup truck into town...probably a quarter of a mile to go pick up his mail at the shoebox post office, brings me happiness. He got my letter and he responded:

Dear Wendy,
Yeah, I was wrong. You did write. I'm so glad you stop at CB's that day and I got to meet you. I don't write much any more as you can see. You are a great friend. I got a call on July 2 that my only Aunt passed away on July 1st. She was 84. Hope to see you again sometime. It was so nice to talk to you and wish you had more time to visit. Yes, you are a great friend and I hope to hear from you soon.
Take care.
Your friend,
Toby

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I mean, does it get any better than that? I wonder in my lifetime, how many lives it will feel like I've lived? How many experiences, opportunities, failures, disappointments, successes, and relationships with others, have shaped the person I am today? I've been too introspective lately, if that's even possible. Me, the person who loves being alone with her thoughts, is thinking that maybe I've had TOO much time. Chris - come home - I need adult conversation soon before my thoughts eat me alive, before I become a complete sap.

On introspection - I tend to beat myself up over past events that I didn't handle well or opportunities that I let slip by. A failed 1st marriage for one. It is, to this day, my biggest failure, my biggest disappointment to myself. One that I've practically hidden for 10 years and convinced myself never happened because it's to ugly of a disappointment in myself. I seek redemption from a man who may never give it to me. And while I may not get it from him, I can try, but the real work is in the present. To love this life and learn from my mistakes, or atleast try. There will be new mistakes to be made and new lessons to be learned, but to find peace in knowing that ALL my experiences have made me the person I am today- for better or for worse. They are who I am. And I am thankful for everyone of them.
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P.S. More introspection during a long hot shower...on marriage...It's not my decision that disappointments me in reference to marriage #1, it's how I handled and managed that decision. How immature I was. How naive. And how selfish. I don't think I understood fully the concept of marriage and the vows I took, although on that day when we wed, I thought I did. I can't appreciate it like I can today. I can't imagine being married to anyone else in this entire world except Chris. I understand the vows I took and maybe it's different because of Cole but I know that marriage is a sacrament and that I will do my best to preserve it. Thank you for loving me Chris and being my husband.